Welcome to the Notebook series. These are stories from my time abroad, each connected to one main take-away that I learned during those years.
Read the preceding Notebook posts here: INTRO // 1 // 2
This post contains the story for the insight: "Plans are illusory - and can cloud your vision," titled, "Freedom From Plans."
Reading time: 4 minutes
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FREEDOM FROM PLANS
"Plans are illusory - and can cloud your vision"
There have been a few pivotal moments during my time adventuring when I realized that my idea about the necessity of plans is not based in truth.
The first came in the form of advice from my small group leader at Kopan Monastery in Kathmandu, when I lived there for 7 weeks studying Buddhism. I had self-imposed the expectation that while I was there, I would figure out what would be "next" in my life. As time passed and I actually became less clear on what I wanted to do, anxiety arose. I talked with my lovely Brazilian small group leader, and she said something like this:
"Dear, if you live your life so focused on a set plan that you have tunnel vision toward it, you will miss the opportunities that are right in front of you."
Woah. This was radical to me, an anxious life-long perfectionist who always had a plan, even from the time of early childhood before we are supposed to be burdened with these things. I don't think that anyone had ever told me to intentionally not have a plan before this. But the advice sunk in, and lo and behold, my anxiety lifted. For perhaps the first time in my life, I experienced the delicious freedom of relinquishing the need to plan. I finished my time at Kopan, and the opportunity arose for me to join a couple friends I had made there in Pokhara. Little free me with no plan happily seized the opportunity. We ended up spending the next month together trekking in the Himalayas, enjoying the luxuries of Pokhara, and doing an intense 10 day silent meditation retreat. Throughout this, I made no plans. I just went with my gut and loved every moment.
It was this philosophy that led me back to Pokhara to make a website for my art. It just felt right in my gut. So I went. Now, 15 months later, I can say confidently that this was one of the best choices of my life. Why? I discovered my 2 loves there: my art business, and my partner. Where would I be now if I had clung to preconceived plans that didn't align with my truth? Impossible to know. But I do know that the advice from my small group leader has never left me. I'm not saying to not have plans at all, but I am saying to not cling so much that you don't follow what would truly make you happy. Plan flexibly. Plans are illusory anyway...
...which leads me to the next pivotal moment I want to highlight. I've already talked about the first lockdown and how I experienced a panicked anxiety stemming from the planning mind. I had certainly come a long way regarding my perspective on planning, but lockdown shook the foundations of all of it and everything else. It was June of 2020. My visa had officially expired, there was no sign of lockdown ending or the airport opening any time soon. Any semblance of a plan that I had been clinging to was out the window. And the deeply rooted, trained, conditioned planning mind was not happy about it. But guess what - we can't control anything except for how we respond. Sure, I could decide to descend into depression and anxiety for the completely unpredictable amount of time before "plans" could be made again. But I chose not to succumb to this needless suffering. I chose freedom.
So I lived with true, complete freedom from plans. It gave me life. I was so, undeniably happy, free, and light living in this way.
I realized that, actually, plans are never set in stone. How could they be? We have no control over the future. No chance that we can know any plan will come true. Ah, yes. Plans are an illusion. We just don't usually recognize them this way. When we do, however, we loosen our grip on the expectations that accompany the plans, and this brings so. Much. Freedom. Remember that you don't need a fixed plan to have a joyful, fulfilling life. Perhaps you need freedom from the plan, as I did.
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My small group at Kopan. The leader who gave me this advice, Paula, is the radiant smile second from the left, lower in the picture. She has her own writing project that is so insightful and wise, check it out here.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED
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