Back in January, I took the plunge into one of the most extreme "rights of passage" in the meditation world: a Goenka Vipassana course. 10 days of waking up at 4 am, meditating 11 hours per day, living in complete silence, not allowed to do anything except meditate, eat, and sleep. No phones. No books. No writing/drawing. No communication, even eye contact. No distractions. Just ten days with your mind.
It was by far one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
Read on to see what it was like to do a meditation bootcamp in the depths of winter in Kathmandu, Nepal.
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January 19, 2020
(This post chronologically follows my Mardi Himal Trek and precedes my solo trek. It took me awhile to get motivated to write this one... but now I am far away enough that I can look back on it as a funny story, so hopefully you are as amused by it as I now am! Get excited and enjoy!)
This Vipassana was yet another adventure with my dear friends Olivia and Nick, my partners in crime in Kopan Monastery and on my first Himalayan Trek. We decided to do this together as a last hurrah before parting ways in early February.
We first met up in Bouddha, Kathmandu the night before the Vipassana was to begin.
We watched the sunset from Bouddha Stupa, one of our favorite places in Kathmandu.
We knew we wouldn't have access to food of our choosing for the next twelve days, so we enjoyed ourselves while we still could. Here are some delicious momos, a Nepali classic.
Reunited and excited!!
The last morning before we headed to the Vipassana Center. We splurged on a decadent breakfast. These were the last photos I took before January 31. Notice the colors, the bright atmosphere, the joy.
Now, notice how the tone changes on these photos I took of the center after we finished our course and got our phones back...
Welcome to Dhamma Kitti Vipassana Center.
We arrived midday on January 20. We had no clue what we were getting ourselves into. There are Goenka Vipassana centers all around the world, ranging between the most bare bones to the most luxurious and fancy. We knew within a few moments of arriving which category this center fell into.
We explored the center. Here was our view of Kathmandu Valley behind a decrepit, unfinished building.
This was our walking path, lined by barbed wire.
Here, our meditation hall, where we were to spend most of our days.
This was the inside of the meditation hall. We did have cushions to sit on normally, but this photo was taken after the course was finished, so the pillows had been put away. And yes, the windows were always shaded so we could not look outside.
Here you see one of my favorite places: the bathroom behind the meditation hall, the only place where we could get some sun in the afternoons if it was a clear day. Crucial, because it was cold.
This picture encapsulates a pretty good representation of what the center's aesthetic was: abandoned happenstance construction materials.
The sign here says "female area" because men and women were separated for the entirety of the course, not allowed to interact or share common space.
Our pride and joy on the women's side was that we had two walking paths between our dorms and the meditation hall. The boys just had one, upstairs from here.
(You can tell it was bleak by the fact that having two walking paths was one of the most exciting things about our time here.)
Alright, you now have an idea of what our surroundings looked like. I'll get into the meat and potatoes of the experience: the course, itself.
The course was ten full days, more like twelve if you include the half days on either end. This was the schedule, strictly adhered to for the ten full days. Highlights: 4 AM wake-up every morning, 11 hours of mandatory meditation, a grand total of 4.5 hours of breaks for food and rest during the day, and one hour-long video teaching every evening. That's right: the rest of the meditations were, for the most part, entirely unguided and silent. Needless to say, that hour-long video teaching was the highlight of everyone's day. It was the only stimulation we got, and man was it a treat!
This was my bedroom, where I slept every chance I had. My bed was the furthest on the right. It is hard to explain how it is so exhausting to meditate for eleven hours per day. I took naps after breakfast, lunch, and evening snack. Sleeping and eating were so important for getting through the days. The food was not amazing, but I looked forward to it as if it were my absolute favorite foods cooked by my mother herself. And I slept like a rock between 9:30 and 4 AM... even though it was FREEZING (literally) in there!!
As the course went, I started to really have a drastic change in perspective. Compared to the lush life of beautiful mountains, delicious food, fun time with friends, and above all, freedom to do what I pleased, this was... bleak. But when so much stimulation is removed, something fundamental shifts, in the mind. You start to see the little things as beautiful. For instance, the yellow flowers by this path. And the trees. Even just the chance to walk a few meters, as we were not permitted any other type of exercise. The other thing is, you begin to realize that your mind creates your world. Your perception creates everything, flavors everything, colors everything. You can see your circumstances how you want to. So, I understood, I could see myself as trapped, isolated, and deprived; or, I could see myself as devoting my time to learning something, to broadening my tools, to becoming tougher and able to withstand more difficult situations. In this way, I actually started to enjoy my time... though, I was still constantly aware of exactly how much time I had left before the course was over and I was free again.
Before and after meditation sessions, I would bond with the moss and tree by our hall. There is something so grounding about touching a plant or tree after you've been lost in your mind for awhile.
We aren't supposed to discuss the intricacies of the meditation techniques we use during the course, as to an outside person who has not heard the teachings in this environment, they probably would not make much sense or seem very influential. But, I will say, basically the first three days are devoted to observing breath, and the last seven days are devoted to observing body.
To be completely honest, I really thought I was getting the hang of it all during the first six days. Yes, my body was sore from basically sitting in the same position all day every day, but I was getting through it! However then, of course, life hit me hard... and I got an awful bout of "Nepal belly" that lasted from day seven until day nine. I am literally laughing out loud as I try to figure out how to write about this without being too graphic. It was almost comedic. Never in my life before coming to Nepal have I experienced diarrhea, but of course I was hit with it while I was doing an uber-strict meditation bootcamp. There are certain hours in the day called "sits of great determination," meditation sessions in which we cannot shift positions, open our eyes, or leave the room for any reason. Well, I discovered that the only appropriate reason to leave one of these sessions is to avoid pooping one's pants in the meditation hall. Fortunately, I made it to the toilet every time, but the teacher certainly noticed my urgent runs outside the hall in forbidden times to do so. He sent his helper to inform me that it would be permissible for me to meditate outside the bathroom, so that I didn't disturb the others in the hall when I needed to get up and go. Aside from this, (and from my teacher one time insisting that I eat a banana and yogurt before bed,) I did not receive any more leniency during the course. I found out after the course was finished that I was not the only one who caught the bug - there were at least three of us who got the very special Diarrhea Vipassana experience. It is truly such a hilarious memory to me now. I remember being curled up in a ball in the meditation hall, knees to my chin, thinking "Be with the body, Roxann" and then thinking "F*** that, this body is a hell realm!! I'm going to the mountains."
Now would be a good time to explain where I let my mind go when I couldn't handle "being with the present" anymore. I allowed myself certain escapes, where my body looked like I was meditating, but in my mind I was free... these escapes were: reliving the memories from my trek in the mountains; reliving my memories from Kopan; pretending I was back in beautiful Pokhara; making a plan for what I would do following the course; and designing my mandala website. I cycled between these places and thoughts throughout the twelve days. I tried to follow the instructions during the meditations, but I simply couldn't do it for eleven hours of the day. So, I created my world in my mind. One of my most important takeaways from the course was that I can always do this! If my external circumstances are not ideal, I always have my mind to turn to. Whether I use my mind to look more deeply into the circumstances or escape them, my mind is my most important tool in how I deal with my life.
My other most important takeaway was about equanimity. I realized that bodily sensations - along with all things in the universe - are impermanent. Therefore, it only makes sense to treat them as equal. Not develop attachment to or aversion for them. Attachment and aversion are, of course, the source of suffering. So, embracing things as impermanent and equal is the way to not suffer. Equanimity is freedom from suffering. I still think about this realization every day... and for this reason, I know that the Vipassana was worth it. I never would have understood this truth on such a deep level if it wasn't for the utter immersion in the practices we did in the course. Words really don't do this type of realization justice.
So, after twelve days, including over 120 hours of meditation, we were done with the Vipassana Course.
We were free.
We got our phones and other personal belongings back. We could talk again. We could discuss our experiences. We had been with about thirty other people during the course, but we didn't get to really meet them until afterward. So much laughter ensued as we all finally talked about the brevity (and comedy) of what we had been through.
First selfie after the course!! This is Alba, who sat behind me in the meditation hall. I'm not sure what's going on with my expression... I think it was a combination of excitement and "yikes, what did I just go through?"
Finally reunited with the team!!!!
I missed my Henry sister sooo much during the course. (Olivia and I are actually distantly related through the "Henry" family, so we call each other "Henry sister".) Although we were supposed to be in complete Noble Silence and not interact at all with anyone around us, we did teeny things about once per day to express to each other that we were still together in this. Our form of communication was a snap as we walked by each other. I lived for that snap, especially when I was very sick... it was really important for me to remember that I wasn't alone there.
There were a total of eight girls who made it to the end of the course, five of us are pictured above. It is completely mandatory to stay for the duration of the twelve days, but some people have mental breakdowns and can't handle it anymore, so they beg the teacher to excuse them early. I think we started out with ten girls and two left. There were twenty-one boys at the beginning, and at the end there were eighteen. If my memory is correct, that's a grand total of twenty-six of us who made it through the course, and five who did not.
Finally, after twelve of the most mentally and physically difficult days of our lives, we were FREE!!! (Also, please enjoy my facial expression in that photo. The face of a champion.)
As a reward for our successful triumph of completing the Vipassana, we enjoyed three days of lush life together before we all went our separate ways. I'll bring you along too, as a reward for reading that bleak account! 😉
We went back to Bouddha and lived our best lives there. We reunited with coffee and sweets and everything delicious. (I didn't reunite with coffee yet... I was not out of the woods with my Nepal belly situation. LOL!)
In the evening, we played our favorite card game: Shithead. This was our top most enjoyed activity after finishing a long day of trekking, so it felt fitting to resume it now. We had a tradition in which the loser of the game wore a glove on his or her head. Our delirious selves took this tradition to the extreme, on this night...
Our laughter was loud, our spirits were light, and the competition was ruthless! Ridiculous amounts of fun.
The next morning, we majorly treated ourselves and went to the Hilton in Kathmandu for an unlimited breakfast buffet!! It cost $10 (a lot in Nepal, but a welcome treat for us) and was enough food for us for the whole day. We were there for hours, from when it opened until when it closed!
We enjoyed many courses of a breakfast feast, poolside, at the fanciest hotel in all of Nepal.
Juice, omelettes, pancakes, fruit...
...coffee...
...pastries, cheeses, savory platters...
...cereal...
...and waffles, mini-crepes, pastries, and more fruit to finish it all off. If you're wondering: we all had stomach aches and felt 8 months pregnant after this. But no regrets!
We spent the rest of the day shopping and enjoying the cultural beauty at Patan, another part of Kathmandu.
I enjoyed wearing the cool yellow glasses Nick had bought on our first day of freedom.
Before we knew it, our time together had come to an end. Nick flew back to Australia, and Olivia and I spent one final night together before I was off to Pokhara and she was bound for India.
I snapped this photo before I left for Pokhara. This was the aftermath of three nights of beer, chips, card games, and so much post-Vipassana fun.
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With that, I end this post about my Vipassana experience. This post may feel kind of all over the place, and honestly, that is a good reflection of how this time in my life felt. Two weeks of extremes... mental challenges, physical challenges, and then a few days of relief from it all, in the form of many treats and social joy. It was incredibly difficult, but I wouldn't change a thing. Even the diarrhea.
I learned more than I could ever explain in words from this experience. But, needless to say, I am not eager to get back to that Vipassana center to do it all again. Maybe I will do another Vipassana course in my life, but not there, and not soon. 🙂🙃
Thank you so much for reading!! If you have made it this far, I am pretty shocked... and grateful. So much love to you, wherever you are!
Hugs from Pokhara, Nepal.
Living life to the fullest brave roxi enjoy kopan Kerri
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