Moving abroad, especially halfway across the world, is bound to come with some culture shock. This is pretty inevitable and should be expected as part of the adventure. Something I underestimated, however, is how long this process can last. I have been living in Thailand for almost one year, and new elements of the culture that catch me completely off-guard are arising still. In this post, I will share some aspects of Thai culture that I wish I had been told instead of having to figure them out myself.
Reading time: 9 minutes
Reading time: 9 minutes
Challenging Aspects
1. The "Land of Smiles": Emotion Regulation
Thailand is fondly dubbed the "land of smiles." I have definitely found this to be the case, in multiple ways. On one hand, the people are so kind and caring, warm, friendly, and smiling as a result. On the other hand... if you are experiencing negative emotions, it is not encouraged to show them. People tend to have a "mai pen rai" attitude (translation: "no problem"), which means that even if they are upset, they will shrug it off and do their best not to show it. I am a person who emotes strongly and often... if I am happy, you will know, and if I am sad, you will know. My face shows all. Crying is rare here, as is getting outwardly angry. When I have cried - because I have - it is met with confusion and discomfort, because it is simply not normal here. I've found that it is best to reserve my (non-positive) emotional expression for video chats with friends and family from home, when possible.
A dear student and I, tearful at sixth grade graduation but smiling for the photo.
2. Body Comments
This one has been the most difficult for me. In Thailand, openly commenting on someone's body is not considered rude, and is often used as a greeting, even for people you do not know very well. This means that saying "Hello! You're getting fat!" or "Good morning. You look like you've gained weight!" are completely acceptable. People here do not take this as an insult; it is more matter-of-fact, like "You got a haircut!" or "You're wearing a new dress!". This can easily go the other way, too: "You're getting slim!" or "You look like you've lost weight!".
Note, it is not desirable here to be larger. In fact, I've seen women post on social media that they are fat and "will not eat this month" in order to lose weight. The Thai standard of beauty is to be very slim. The Western build tends to be bulkier anyway, and at 5'3", I am already taller than many of my female Thai cohort. I've fluctuated in weight within a 10 pound range while I've lived here, and I get comments every time I am going up or down within that. I also took up weight training, resulting in comments that my arms are "fat"... which obviously bothers me because I exercise nearly every day and have worked hard for these muscles! A few weeks ago, I changed my eating habits in a healthier direction, and now the comments I am getting are: "You got fat and now you look slim and sexy." I really do not enjoy this part of Thai culture. I am already hyper-sensitive about my body and come from a background of skewed body image and disordered eating for most of my life. I am consistently triggered by the comments of people here, and when I try to explain that in my culture it is insulting to be called fat, generally people do not understand. I appreciate now more than ever that, at least in America, comments like this are not considered acceptable.
Note, it is not desirable here to be larger. In fact, I've seen women post on social media that they are fat and "will not eat this month" in order to lose weight. The Thai standard of beauty is to be very slim. The Western build tends to be bulkier anyway, and at 5'3", I am already taller than many of my female Thai cohort. I've fluctuated in weight within a 10 pound range while I've lived here, and I get comments every time I am going up or down within that. I also took up weight training, resulting in comments that my arms are "fat"... which obviously bothers me because I exercise nearly every day and have worked hard for these muscles! A few weeks ago, I changed my eating habits in a healthier direction, and now the comments I am getting are: "You got fat and now you look slim and sexy." I really do not enjoy this part of Thai culture. I am already hyper-sensitive about my body and come from a background of skewed body image and disordered eating for most of my life. I am consistently triggered by the comments of people here, and when I try to explain that in my culture it is insulting to be called fat, generally people do not understand. I appreciate now more than ever that, at least in America, comments like this are not considered acceptable.
A few pounds up, and the strongest I've been in my life!
3. Health Awareness
The practices regarding sickness are quite different here from what I am used to. The culture is very communal, meaning that one is encouraged to put aside individual needs for the benefit of the community. This means that even if people are sick, they tend to be expected to fulfil their duties anyway. People usually go to work when sick, but they will wear a face mask to "prevent" the spread of the illness. The funny part is, at my school at least, students and teachers will wear the mask under their chin when speaking with others so as to still be understood. I am guilty of this too, as my kids don't understand me if they cannot read my lips. Needless to say, people not staying home when they are sick does not ultimately benefit the community, as it just gets everyone sick... but goodness forbid a day of work being missed!
It also seems that knowledge of bacteria, germs, and viruses is not quite as advanced as it is in the West. Antibiotics have been given to me four times while I've been in Thailand - the doctor even tried to give me antibiotics when I had a broken finger! (I can assure you, there was no infection there. That swelling was due to a broken bone, not a skin infection like the doctor tried to convince me before he finally gave me the X-ray I demanded.) Granted, I have needed the antibiotics three of those four times. The fourth time, there was no infection, so I didn't take the antibiotics. It was just a bug bite that needed antihistamine treatment. I don't think they are aware of the dangers of antibiotic resistance here. Also, the water drinking system that the kids use at school is quite concerning to me. There are a bunch of metal cups and a vertical water dispenser, and all of the kids share the cups without sanitizing them in any way. (They will rinse the cup out and then use it, but this doesn't do anything for the germs on the rim.) No wonder when one kid gets sick, it spreads like the plague... literally!
One more point on health: the diet here is quite a bit more "westernized" than I expected. Foods and drinks from the West have wreaked havoc on the traditionally healthy Thai diet. Extremely popular drinks include soda, blended sugary coffee drinks, and milk tea boba (no plain tea, no plain coffee, no unsweetened milk to be found). Extremely popular foods include pizza, KFC, pastries like cakes and donuts, ice cream, and candy. Thailand has become the second most obese nation in Asia. Many of my kids have so many cavities that their teeth have become grey. Fortunately, exercise has also become a popular trend... but unfortunately, it is a result of the very unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle (man oh man, do my kids love video games) that has bled over from the Western world.
Me being responsible, and then not responsible, with my face mask when I had a cold during the last week of school. My students nailed the depictions of me in my sickness garb!
4. Modesty
I knew when I came to Thailand that it would be important to dress modestly - I was just confused about what this exactly meant for a long time. The main thing that I knew was to cover my legs, and to cover my shoulders when in temples. What I didn't realize: it is actually much more important to cover shoulders than legs in regular outfits. For my first few months here, my typical outfit was a tank top with long pants. It is very hot, after all, so this outfit made sense to me. I also saw tank tops for sale at stores everywhere, so I thought, why would they sell them if they're not for people to wear?
Well, I ended up learning that tank tops are only okay in workout and pajama settings! I got away with wearing them for a long time because I'm a clueless foreigner (and people are too passive to confront someone about things like that). I did notice, however, that people frequently wear shorts - sometimes, very short ones - and this is totally normal and accepted. So, a short sleeved top with short shorts is fine, sometimes even a crop top, but cover those shoulders! The safest bet, of course, is to dress conservatively. My typical outfit now is a short sleeved shirt with loose Thai pants. Sometimes I'll swap in some shorts when it's especially hot, but the shorts are not "short shorts" and cover me well. I am a clueless foreigner no more!
Note: in beachy towns, tank tops are much more common and are acceptable as everyday wear.
Silly foreigner vs. savvy foreigner!
5. Expect the Unexpected
When in Thailand, "go with the flow" is the best approach that can be taken. Punctuality is not a priority, and plans can change at a moment's notice. As a teacher, I frequently experienced impromptu cancelling of classes, schedule changes, and events I did not know would occur. I came to expect this, however, so it was not really a problem for me. I just knew to stay flexible and adapt when things would change. I mainly include this because I was not really warned of this phenomenon, so if anyone is reading who may travel to Thailand, just be aware that things often do not happen on time or as planned. Stay open and flexible - mai pen rai!
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The practices regarding sickness are quite different here from what I am used to. The culture is very communal, meaning that one is encouraged to put aside individual needs for the benefit of the community. This means that even if people are sick, they tend to be expected to fulfil their duties anyway. People usually go to work when sick, but they will wear a face mask to "prevent" the spread of the illness. The funny part is, at my school at least, students and teachers will wear the mask under their chin when speaking with others so as to still be understood. I am guilty of this too, as my kids don't understand me if they cannot read my lips. Needless to say, people not staying home when they are sick does not ultimately benefit the community, as it just gets everyone sick... but goodness forbid a day of work being missed!
It also seems that knowledge of bacteria, germs, and viruses is not quite as advanced as it is in the West. Antibiotics have been given to me four times while I've been in Thailand - the doctor even tried to give me antibiotics when I had a broken finger! (I can assure you, there was no infection there. That swelling was due to a broken bone, not a skin infection like the doctor tried to convince me before he finally gave me the X-ray I demanded.) Granted, I have needed the antibiotics three of those four times. The fourth time, there was no infection, so I didn't take the antibiotics. It was just a bug bite that needed antihistamine treatment. I don't think they are aware of the dangers of antibiotic resistance here. Also, the water drinking system that the kids use at school is quite concerning to me. There are a bunch of metal cups and a vertical water dispenser, and all of the kids share the cups without sanitizing them in any way. (They will rinse the cup out and then use it, but this doesn't do anything for the germs on the rim.) No wonder when one kid gets sick, it spreads like the plague... literally!
One more point on health: the diet here is quite a bit more "westernized" than I expected. Foods and drinks from the West have wreaked havoc on the traditionally healthy Thai diet. Extremely popular drinks include soda, blended sugary coffee drinks, and milk tea boba (no plain tea, no plain coffee, no unsweetened milk to be found). Extremely popular foods include pizza, KFC, pastries like cakes and donuts, ice cream, and candy. Thailand has become the second most obese nation in Asia. Many of my kids have so many cavities that their teeth have become grey. Fortunately, exercise has also become a popular trend... but unfortunately, it is a result of the very unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle (man oh man, do my kids love video games) that has bled over from the Western world.
Me being responsible, and then not responsible, with my face mask when I had a cold during the last week of school. My students nailed the depictions of me in my sickness garb!
4. Modesty
I knew when I came to Thailand that it would be important to dress modestly - I was just confused about what this exactly meant for a long time. The main thing that I knew was to cover my legs, and to cover my shoulders when in temples. What I didn't realize: it is actually much more important to cover shoulders than legs in regular outfits. For my first few months here, my typical outfit was a tank top with long pants. It is very hot, after all, so this outfit made sense to me. I also saw tank tops for sale at stores everywhere, so I thought, why would they sell them if they're not for people to wear?
Well, I ended up learning that tank tops are only okay in workout and pajama settings! I got away with wearing them for a long time because I'm a clueless foreigner (and people are too passive to confront someone about things like that). I did notice, however, that people frequently wear shorts - sometimes, very short ones - and this is totally normal and accepted. So, a short sleeved top with short shorts is fine, sometimes even a crop top, but cover those shoulders! The safest bet, of course, is to dress conservatively. My typical outfit now is a short sleeved shirt with loose Thai pants. Sometimes I'll swap in some shorts when it's especially hot, but the shorts are not "short shorts" and cover me well. I am a clueless foreigner no more!
Note: in beachy towns, tank tops are much more common and are acceptable as everyday wear.
Silly foreigner vs. savvy foreigner!
5. Expect the Unexpected
When in Thailand, "go with the flow" is the best approach that can be taken. Punctuality is not a priority, and plans can change at a moment's notice. As a teacher, I frequently experienced impromptu cancelling of classes, schedule changes, and events I did not know would occur. I came to expect this, however, so it was not really a problem for me. I just knew to stay flexible and adapt when things would change. I mainly include this because I was not really warned of this phenomenon, so if anyone is reading who may travel to Thailand, just be aware that things often do not happen on time or as planned. Stay open and flexible - mai pen rai!
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Wonderful Aspects
Don't get me wrong: I love living in Thailand, and there are so many things about the culture that have been simply delightful to experience. Here are just a few that stand out to me.
1. Safety
Thailand is one of the safest places - perhaps the safest place - I have ever been. At least where I live in Thailand, Nong Khai, crime is extremely rare. It is well known that you can leave a motorbike with keys in the ignition, a cell phone in the pocket, and even your wallet for hours, even overnight, and no one will touch it. (I haven't personally done this, but many friends of mine have, on accident.) If you drop something in the street, even a coin, it will be there when you go back for it. If it's not where you left it, someone will have moved it safely to the curb so your belonging is kept safe for you. I used to lock my bike everywhere I went. Over time I realized, no one here steals things, so now I usually leave my bike kickstand down, no lock, and no one will touch it. A couple times, I've come back to where I parked and my bike has been lifted and placed in a safer space, perhaps on the sidewalk so a car can park where it was on the street.
The value of safety and protection of personal property is instilled in people from a very early age. If my kids found a coin or some money in the classroom, they would bring it to me immediately so that whoever lost it could claim it later on. No "finders keepers" mentality here! Protection of property is a Buddhist precept, so it makes sense that this culture embodies this so deeply. Of course, it is important to still be careful, but regarding theft, I have never felt as safe as I do here.
2. Generosity
The people I have encountered in Thailand are so incredibly generous. They have a "what's mine is yours" mindset; they are so open to share what they have with you. I have so many times been offered free food, sometimes by coworkers, sometimes by students, sometimes by the lovely food vendors I frequently buy from. (I almost always get a free skewer from my skewer lady, a free tomato or handful of garlic cloves from my vegetable lady, and sometimes even a free sticky rice patty from the khao gee vendors.)
Gifts from a fellow teacher: banana leaf-wrapped sticky rice and banana treats on the left, sweet mango on the right (kindly cut for free by the fruit vendor outside school).
3. Community
I am very obviously not Thai. (You're shocked, I know!) Despite this fact, I have been so accepted into the community here. Every person I meet is so caring and warm. People I come across on a day-to-day basis want to be my friend, have me meet their family, join them for dinner, etc. A family I met on my visa run in Laos told me that if I am ever in their part of Thailand, I have a place to stay, and they made sure to exchange contact information with me before we parted ways. A lovely friend I made at the exercise park invited me to come with her and her daughter to her vacation home when I am on school break, and she always gives me a warm smile and a hug and reiterates this invitation when I run into her. I know for some reading this, you may have "stranger danger" bells ringing in your head. In all honesty, I used to have these too, and I still do (to a healthy extent - I am always careful). However, I've come to realize that there is really no suspicious ulterior motives to these kind words and invitations; people are just so genuinely kind and open, they truly just want to show me that I am welcome in their culture. I feel so loved and accepted, even by people that I barely know. It is truly a beautiful thing to have that when I am so far from my first home. It has made this part of the world into a second home for me.
Exercise park friend and my dear skewer vendor. The smiles I get from them every time I see them warm my heart to the core.
4. Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation
The openness regarding gender and sexual orientation here have been refreshing and eye-opening. "Ladyboys" (term for men who present as women) are widely celebrated and encouraged to dress/act how they feel best, and shows are often made up entirely of ladyboy performers. "Tomboys" (term for women who present in traditionally masculine ways) are common and accepted, as well. Identifying as a ladyboy from childhood is accepted, and is often expressed openly in high school settings through use of clothing, makeup, earrings, etc. Sexual orientation is also quite open and variance from heteronormative stereotypes is common. I've had some very precious middle school-aged couples in my student pool, a mix of pairings including same-gender and otherwise. It has been such a delight to see children accepting a variety of orientations and identities from such a young age.
Playing the "ladyboy" role in the school plays is a coveted position, and the boys who do it are so excited that they get to be made up and dressed so beautifully!
5. "My Family is Your Family"
This kind of goes along with "generosity" and "community," but I'm giving it its own separate section because I cannot stress this point enough. My blood family is 8,000 miles away. It takes a full day of travel to get to them. For all intents and purposes, I am on my own over here - but in reality, I am not. I have been welcomed with open arms into the families of my teacher friends, my students, and my community. I have forged connections I never would have foreseen because of the welcoming love I have received from the people in my town. I have been taken to family homes, fed family meals, given the family care I would otherwise lack while being so far from my own parents and relatives. This has made all the difference. I do not feel isolated or lonely here because of these accepting, loving people. I am deeply grateful for the culture of "my family is your family" here, for it has given me a network of family halfway across the world from my original home.
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This concludes my post on the challenging and wonderful aspects of Thai culture that I did not expect when I first moved here one year ago. I hope you have enjoyed learning about this culture like I have!
Thank you for reading. Until next time, much love and warmth!
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"(I haven't personally done this, but many friends of mine have, on accident.)"
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling very attacked right now. ;)